Today was a tough day. It’s the week before Nutcracker, the week after Thanksgiving travel. Anxiety and disruption of routine, in spades. Boy had such a bad meltdown in his violin lesson that we had to pack up and leave (after his teacher left the room and I had to pin him down on the floor briefly). It started because Boy ‘has’ to start a song over again now and play to the end when he makes mistakes, and when his teacher asked him to stop playing, he refused. I’ve been worried lately about his behavior getting more compulsive; for instance, he plays a game where he hops around on one foot and can’t stop until he hugs me. If we try to stop him before he’s hugged me, he has a meltdown. We already knew we were going to make an appointment with a child psychologist after the holidays to seek help with the meltdown issues, so I was filing that stuff away to mention. But now I’m feeling more explicitly worried. When ‘real’ issues come up with the kids, I feel like I am often worried less about the thing itself, more about my desire to ignore things. I worry that I will not adequately address the problem. And I feel like that until I, well, address the problem. And that’s where I am right now. Sitting in my chair looking at a list of providers. Worrying that I won’t make those phone calls.
To be continued.